I'm having a baby in three weeks. I'm HAVING A BABY in THREE WEEKS!!!!! How did this happen? How did it get here so quickly (and yet still feel like I've been pregnant for four years)?
I'm not ready. Well, I guess I'm technically ready enough. She has a crib and diapers and PLENTY of clothes. We have blankets, burp cloths, and bottles. We've gotten the car seat out of the attic. But mentally? I'm not ready. I can't help but feel that I like our life the way that it is. Will is getting more self-sufficient each day. He sleeps for 11 to 12 hours at night, and we have a great routine. He's funny and FUN...we can do lots of things with him these days. And, he's the child that I already know; I want to protect him from upheaval and discomfort. I don't want him to feel like his parents have abandoned him or let him down. And yes, I know that "a sibling is the best gift you can give him" blah blah blah. I'm not sure he's going to feel like that when she comes home.
I know I'm going to love her. I already do. I can't wait to meet her and hold her and see her sweet face. I know that two will be more than twice as hard as one, but also more than twice the joy. And yet, I can't help but think of those first few months that are so hard and overwhelming and wonder how I'll make it through. (And yes, I know to anyone with more than two kids, this sounds like major melodrama.) But, I guess the upside is that I know that I WILL make it through. I did with Will--these past two years have flown by--and I know I will with baby girl. We will figure things out as a family. But still, I'm not ready. I suppose I will have to be.